Of icy cold water and stiff numb hands

Icy cold water + hands&fingers = Nerve damage = An icy brick of muscle.

Icy cold water + hands&fingers + every 5 minutes intervals within 2 hours + 9 am= Hand hypothermia + mental illness.

3 more sessions of observing the feeding rates of our precious* pipefish.

*At this rate, I'd flush them down the toilet after we're done. Precious no more, down the pipe you go.

I can't even type.

Day Dream Believer

Last time seeing this for free.
Free bus ride + free buns + free fish&chips.





Time to hit the books and spend heaps of time procrastinating and daydreaming.
Welcome to the daydream believer club where wonderful things happen.

Bat cave

Since I chopped my hair, I've been waking up with a bat cave above my head almost every morning. The only thing missing are bats and guano (Movies have thought me lots of things, the word "guano" was learned from watching Ace Ventura: When nature calls). haha.

Every night before I go to bed, I worry about how my hair will look like when I wake up. And when I wake up, I sit for a moment visioning every strand of hair on my head and how it's going to stand. So before I look into the mirror, I'd run my hair through my fingers. In my mind, it's not that bad. Bumpy in certain places,but nothing water can't solve. It's only when I look in the mirror that I realise why mirrors are not my best friends. How shit is it to look in the mirror and see this :



What a horrific sight. I know some girls have their hair that way, BIG on the top and very little at the bottom. What the hell were they thinking? It's probably the most unflattering cut anyone can have. It gives me the cringe when I look at the drawing. Totally resembles the black thing on my head. Even Wednesday Adams had better hair. Remind me to appreciate my hair next time around. Long is good. Long is good. Long is GOod. Or find a good hair stylist. All bad hair stylist should be shot dead.

If I were to die tomorrow, I'd definitely put a picture of myself with the bat cave. But I believe I'm still going to be alive tomorrow and I would also Love to conform to those girls that like to pucker up and show off my beautiful hair for the whole world to see. Picture 1, side view. Picture 2, front view. Picture 3, rear view. Picture 4, peace sign. Picture 5, pretending to eat food. Picture 6, me getting bitch slapped.

Cheers to wonderful hair. I'm grateful to have hair on my head.

Mysterious she is

I wanted to write about the cool awesome music played on TV series but I rather talk about my friend Yeo.

yvonne says:
i prefer red over green too. green taste like my toilet wash.

Yeo's life story. She's inhaled more peroxide that anyone I know. She has tasted toilet wash. Green..toilet wash. Many spend their life savings buying substances to get them high. To make them feel alive, happy and what not. My friend Yeo on the other hand, does it cheap and makes it classy. If I were to be a junkie, she's going to be my junkie guru. She gets high from off the shelves products (Yeo,2008). While I go to the shampoo isle to pick a nice smelling shampoo, Yeo kills her nasal, oesophagus and brain cells by inhaling things from sudafed to clarinase, aka the hillbilly cocktail (Yeo, 2008). I'm just doing the quoting as I don't know what those substances are. Ah, the story of her life. Mysterious indeed.

Reference

Yeo, Y., 2008. The story of my life according to yy.

I'm a math genius

I used to love math. I was actually good at math. I was good until University happened. I suddenly became stupid. Hence, short sentences.

The only math I can do now is a life plan map. This was my plan last year.



( I know...it's not even math..oh..it can be geometry..there's lines and X's and arrows involved)

Note: I did not miscalculate the length of my life. I should mention that B is after graduation.
I believe I'm going to be living for a very long time.

So, yes that was my plan last year. Not much of a direction. All I wanted was to get from A to B, not worrying much about what will happen after B.

They say that everyone changes. Yes, I have changed hence, the change in my life plan as well. Another note : After thinking of writing this post, I seem like the worse person to ask for advice.



See how much I've grown?? So even though I'm still at the same place as last year, I have changed and added direction and words to my plan. I want to be somewhere now but the problem that I am currently facing is I have 2 after graduation plans. What do..I..do now?

I am obliged to go for B because I cannot possibly waste my parents money, sending me here to study something I used to call my dream job. It's not that I don't like it anymore, I do.. I absolutely love it. It's just that my heart is somewhere else right now. I really want to do C. I can say I don't have much or any experience in this field but I've seen it done my whole life. I've seen the creative process and have helped out in doing so. My mom and her sisters used to have a gift box business which served them quite well at the time. And my aunty is an absolute genius in arts and creativity. She studied fine arts. But from those experience, I have learned that it's a hard thing to pursue. I've seen them struggling to get things to go off the shelves, getting customers etc. But was 15 odd years ago and I believe people are more open to handy craft now and there's the internet. Don't we all love the internet.

My mind is conflicted because you need to focus on one thing if you want to succeed in it. I guess as for now I need B as my surviving kit. C will always be there, on the sidelines helping me out, making me happy (and bestie yeo, lol). But if ONE day, if C starts picking up and is sufficient enough to be my surviving kit, I'd drop B in a second. (My math isn't that bad hey)

Many times I've asked myself, WHy didn't you just go and do this course or that course and what not. Well, I'm not going to ask why anymore because I already have my 2009 life plan planned out. I don't need to write or draw this down because it's going to happen. Yee-hee.

Lines, words and x's drawn using Mr. sharpie which I happened to knick from lab. No, I'm not kleptomaniac. I just..put it in my pocket, walked out to write something and came home with it.



It has served me well.

Rewind

As of last Saturday, the hair that I used to call unhealthy and long that hung off my head is finally in hair dump heaven, or I should say hell, where all the unwanted hairs ..okay I won't even try continuing that sentence for my own sake. I'm already weird enough.

My head feels light. Uncomfortably light. But I like the fact that when I tie my hair now, I don't smack someone's face when I turn abruptly. I could take a picture of myself but..I think it kinda looks like shit now so I'm not..going to. But it looks somewhat like this:



I'm back to the year 2006. Absolutely nothing special.

I'd bitch about the hairdresser but I won't cos after he was done with my hair, he probably knew he did a bad cut because of my sarcasm. The only reason why I can live with this is because I have no choice, haha.. and also because my hair grows reasonably fast. In 2 months, I'm sure it will look exactly like how I wanted it in the first place. Then it would be time for another cut.

Friend, acquaintances, foe

Sometimes I really wonder if the person you're constantly around with is a friend, an acquaintance or a foe. When you're living a small community ie boarding house, dormitory, small town etc. , these 3 different ways of calling a person have really blurred lines between them.

Many people have different definitions of the word "friend"and many of them have gone back on their definitions by doing many unfriendly, idiotic, stupid things. I think the definition of the word "friend" should be love, mutual love.Think about all the people that you regard as friends. Do you love all of them? I think not. Do they all love you? I think not.

I think of all the people I call my friends and ask myself, do I actually care about every single one of them? And my answer would be...I don't know. There are friends whom I would do almost anything for but these people are in my exclusive list because I know they would do the same for me. But there are some people that I call friends that probably wouldn't genuinely care if I went missing. I'm not saying that I haven't done my share in pretending to be friends. I have and I'm not proud of it. They who do it are probably not as well.

I guess I don't like how my feelings towards someone are easily influenced by things that they do. Good one day and bad the other. I like to believe that there is good in everyone and that "ridiculous, no brainer" things that they do are just mistakes. Ridiculous irrational mistakes.

The bottom line is I just wish that you would treat me as your friend as how I treat you as mine. You don't need a reason to talk to someone. If they're your friends, you can talk to them anytime, anywhere. If this friendship is not going to be mutual then I'm just going to do my best to make the best out of it this year and hope to make better ones with others next year. Cos who knows where I'm going to be next year.

Proof of former talent

Haha, note : Former talent.

I was chatting to Eve about our musical talents and our lack of it. She mentioned her former talent of playing the pipa - a plucked chinese instrument, pear shaped like guitar- and how she used to perform in schools. It's interesting how we used to be more active in things that we were forced to do.

I've performed ahah, "performed " once with a bunch of my kindie friends at a recital. We did a play and then had a violin number after that. If I can remember the play, it was about a farmer who was having problems plucking some vegie ( a girl plays this vegie and I honestly do not know the name the this particular vegie, it's white, looks like a carrot..maybe it's a white carrot..eh). So the farmer decided to call for help, he Hollers and someone playing an animal will come up to the stage, make an animal sound and help him pull the white carrot. The hollering of animals up the stage went from a cat to a scarecrow. By the end of it, there were 10 of us on stage all behind each other pulling the white carrot. I was the dog. The reason behind it was I wasn't muslim. Yes, the chinese girl should be the dog. If you knew me back then, you'd know that I was a very very very shy kid.

So I was hollered and got pushed onto the stage. I was supposed to "woof " and get in line to start pulling the carrot. Instead, I stood in front of everyone, playing with my doggie ears with a smile on my face because that was all I could do. I stood there for the longest time. Oh the humiliation... My parents weren't there, thank god..haha. Reason : I gave them my chicken pox virus. lol.

Anyways, I've got proof and am delighted to show.


Urm...mind the hands.. I cannot justify my pose.



There's me playing the violin. I was for real. I don't lie. Haha.

I had the cutest violin and was quite fond of it. Unfortunately one day, my brother, who was probably lacking of brain cells decided to take a scissors and snip the strings off.
Rip my baby violin.

alky

alcohol makes me sleepy.

update: alcohol makes me get out of bed and run to the bath room after 15 minutes of lying down to hurl out all my insides. First hurl fest 2008.

Shine on

My light has been dimmed for the past few days. As embarrassing as this is going to sound, I'm just going to let it out. My light has been dimmed because recently I have been looking down on myself. I've been on this whole positive mind thinking since the beginning of the year and I suppose it does take more than that to keep yourself up. Appearance is kinda a minimum priority for me but I guess it's because I actually don't like looking at myself in the mirror. I haven't since I was 13. Waheyy..long time I know. I go to toilets and avoid mirrors..and if I do catch myself, I'm always suprised by the way I look..cos I don't look at myself that often.
I guess I have been quite stressed doing assignments and what not. And it had a major effect on my body and when I say body, I meant the facial area. I've gone through thick and thin with this part of my body over the last 10 years. There's at least once a year where I always go insane and think that I'm probably the ugliest person and a reason why I'm still single. Whoa, emo I know..Then I go through the whole theres more to life and pick myself up again. Being single is good as long as I think it is and right now I choose to think that it is, 1st positivity.
I suppose, what I've gone through has made me not want to conform to a lot of things and made me appreciate things much more. Yes I do believe that people don't actually concentrate on all those, spots, but we're all human. One way or another, we care about what other people think. Judgment fills the air.
I feel stupid now because people do read this. Yes even if it's you melnuttavon. People don't know me like you guys do. You can tell that I am embarrassed by the lack of spacings and the usual paragraphs. haha...ha. Maybe if I swish it all no one will bother reading it. But I feel like writing. Oh wells, yea I'm fine now. My light is brighter.

Echoes and silence, patience and grace

I wish I were with you
I couldn't stay
Every direction
Leads me away
Pray for tomorrow
But for today

All I want is to be home

Stand in the mirror
You look the same
Just lookin' for shelter
From cold and the pain
Someone to cover
Safe from the rain

All I want is to be home

Echoes and silence
Patience and grace
All of these moments
I'll never replace
No fear of my heart
Absence of faith

All I want is to be home

People I've loved
I have no regrets
Some I remember
Some I forget
Some of them living
Some of them dead

All I want is to be home

- Foo Fighters, Home.

Time for a cut?

1, 2 or 3??



Which???

For you

Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. Make all your friends feel there is something special in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger.

-- Christian D. Larsen

Present theory

He is like a present given to you. All wrapped up in beautiful wrapping paper, finished off with a pretty ribbon on the top. You look at the ribbon tied so nicely and decide that you want to be gentle when pulling it away. You now take in the detail of how it was wrapped. Cellophane tape at every corner, keeping it nice and secure. Because it's so beautifully wrapped, you want to make sure you don't rip it into pieces so you peel off the cellophane slowly. It finally gotten to a point where you can't take it anymore, you can't take the anticipation so out of curiosity and frustration you Rip off the rest of the wrapping paper. You take a look inside the naked box and right in front of you, there is a card. You open it and read what is says. Such beautiful words, you say. You keep them. You then take another peek inside the box and there lies a beautiful piece of jewelery, looking at you, just for you.

The other one on the other hand, is wrapped up in brown parcel paper. It's sealed with 3 tapes, 2 at the side and one in the middle. Written on the top of the box, is a message. You crack up at the ugly childish handwriting. It's cute. You peel the tape off because it's that easy. You open up the box and you find lots of lots of small little cute and stupid things, from candies to unspeakable things and at the bottom of the box, there's a picture. Nothing worth of money in there.

Given a chance, which present would you choose?
Everyone has fallen for #1 and there are some people who would only go for #1.
I have had enough of #1s.
Give me #2s. That's all I want.

Of pictures so delicious part X

I've mentioned a few times that I have been going to the beach to do a profile survey for my coastal subject. The first 2 trips to the beach has been well, not the best. It was either too hot or too windy. This weeks trip however, was perfect! Temperature range about 25 degrees and the best part, Low tide. It was such a beautiful sight.



Of waters so clear







We stumbled upon a dead jelly fish. How beautiful is it? My first time seeing a blue jelly fish in the flesh. Was really tempted to touch the top of it..but didn't want to risk getting stung.



Then a group mate found a seastar. It has friggin spines on it. How cool is that.





I'm glad I took some shots on that day. We're going back there in 2 weeks and the weather wise, it's gonna be shit. Will take pics to show the massive difference.

Strawberry fields forever

Of mind so screwed up

I had 4 weeks and within that a 10 day break from uni to do this assignment. Why I chose to utilize the last week to do it before it's due? I don't know. I've concluded that something is wrong with me. What I'm going to write is probably beyond procrastination.

After much research on my topic, I told myself that I should start writing my 2500 word review paper yesterday. So, I did. I started at 8.30 pm and stopped at 1 am. Within that amount of time, I only managed to write 400 words. Only Four Hundred fucking words. I have NO idea what's wrong with me. And it didn't end there...it happened again today. 2-5 pm, 100 words. Within that period of time I managed to do more unnecessary stuff, like doing my laundry and hanging it up after it was done, download some music and stopped doing work just to listen to it, logged onto msn more like 5 times and logging out.

I know the more I procrastinate, the more I will freak out before the due date. I realise that I have lack of information to write up my paper and that I think I'm focusing on the wrong parts of the topic. Oh My Gawd. What am I supposed to do?!

I'm starting to think that I have some sort of adult attention disorder. No idea what it's suppose to be called and cannot be phucked to find out about it. My concentration is zEro right now.

What do I do...What should I do! .....
2000 words to go..

In sync

As the thumping gets louder, so does my music.
As my music gets louder, so does the thumping of the arteries in my head.
The valve movement in the arteries on the side of my frontal and temporal lobe now are in sync with the thumping on the wall.
Perfect mesh, perfect silence.

It's who you are and how you do it.

Does what you do defines who you are?
or is who you are defines what you do?

I feel like having croissant with butter.

eYe doctor

So I just came back from getting my eyes checked. Yes, I finally made an appointment and got it done. Hoooray. It was probably by far the longest eye consultation I've had. Fourty minutes. Fucking long. It clearly shows that M'sia lacks alll the super eye technologies. They've got cool machines here! haha I sound like I just crawled up a hole.

So anyways, after much worry about my eyes degenerating, Mr. Eye told me that I didn't have much increase in my eye power. Hooray #2. He spoke to me like I was a kid..well, they all kinda do that I suppose. Hes a nice eye dude. All my impression of optometrist over the years have definitely turned over, they're quite the professionals. Laughs. It's just that M'sian optometrist are shit. Or even worse, sighing M'sian opthamologists.

Does a doctor sigh when he/she finds out that you have cancer? No, they don't. A one M'sian opthamologist in DSH, Damansara Utama, Petaling Jaya does. She sighs when she sees something wrong..wont' be going to her ever again.

Oh and apparently I have sensitive eyes. Oo..oo Loving eyess. haha.

Of dark skies, stars in the sky and beautiful music.

What I would give now to experience total focus and concentration. Like when you're competing in an individuals sport. When you're totally focused on winning, you block everything out of that manipulative mind of yours. It's that point where you don't even have small talks to yourself in the mind and nothing is going to distract you because you've got this big huge massive brick wall blocking all the external factors that are just itching to push you off course.

Like when you practice the piano. There are some days where you just get all the notes wrong. You start off with one wrong note and you can feel the dissatisfaction in your bones. The more dissatisfied you feel the more mistakes you make. So then you feel like shit and think that you're not meant to do this, you're not meant to play the piano. Your mind is just not concentrating, you're thinking about the day you've had, obviously not a good day. You're thinking about the problems you're currently facing. You're just thinking all these negative thoughts and everyone knows negative thoughts are the hardest to get rid off.

But then there are some days where you just suprise yourself. You get everything right, you're playing like you've never played before, your flow is smooth, you feel so damn good about it. You don't think about anything else but that feeling you have, that extremely gratifying feeling. You're on a roll because you have nothing to worry about, nothing else to want, nothing bad to think about. I've had one of those days but many of the previous experience as well.

I guess I'm writing this because I miss having an activity that requires dedication, commitment, priority and focus. I miss having something that can be called a skill or talent. The two things that I had under my belt was swimming and the piano. But unfortunately for myself, I was taken away from the one sport that I used to love because of parental commitments and I made myself quit piano because I thought I wasn't good enough. Thats 11 years of playing the keys. But I admit I wasn't quite a fan of it. Then there was the guitar but thats another story. I guess making up excuses like my hands are too small or my fingers are too short and not strong enough is kind pathetic.

So the only thing that I can and have to concentrate on now is uni. As sad as it sounds. I don't have any other commitments, I honestly wish I had. The one thing I have to concentrate on now is the LASt thing I want to do, the last thing I can focus on because I'm focusing on commitments that I don't have. I'm not going to say what it is ..just because..it can get quite embarrassing. Well for one, it's writing on the blog hoping someone out there will understand my vagueness.

All I want to do now is jump into a river, float, look up into the sky and see the stars while listening to someone playing the piano from a distance. Not a drop of worry in the world because you're just floating on it.

Just floating.

GARGGGHH!!!

Hillarious

The Shites

I overslept and I feel like shite.
Okay, I lie. I woke up in time to go for lecture but I decided that I didn't want to face reality just yet so...I closed my eyes and daydreamed.
.
.
.
For 3 hours.

haha..How pathetic am I? But needless to say, I enjoyed it. Enjoyed the whole daydreaming experience. I reckon I'm getting too good at living in the other realm.

But now...Now I have to get back to researching, studying and writing. ROar...

Energy

Look at your hands. It's covered in skin, skin which are organs that are made out of cells which are in turn made of atoms. Atoms of single particles just floating, held together by energy.

Look at the clothes on your body. Clothes that are made up of fibers, fibers that are made up of cells and cells which are again made up of atoms. Atoms of single particles floating, held together by energy.

If clothes and body and everything else around us are indeed made up of energy, which are just manifested in different forms, then are we all one?

If you decided to see things in one point of view, an energy spectrum, what would you see? Just light? Just one whole energy of light. We are all light?

We are energy. We're living in a ball of energy.

It's fucking amazing.