Of dark skies, stars in the sky and beautiful music.

What I would give now to experience total focus and concentration. Like when you're competing in an individuals sport. When you're totally focused on winning, you block everything out of that manipulative mind of yours. It's that point where you don't even have small talks to yourself in the mind and nothing is going to distract you because you've got this big huge massive brick wall blocking all the external factors that are just itching to push you off course.

Like when you practice the piano. There are some days where you just get all the notes wrong. You start off with one wrong note and you can feel the dissatisfaction in your bones. The more dissatisfied you feel the more mistakes you make. So then you feel like shit and think that you're not meant to do this, you're not meant to play the piano. Your mind is just not concentrating, you're thinking about the day you've had, obviously not a good day. You're thinking about the problems you're currently facing. You're just thinking all these negative thoughts and everyone knows negative thoughts are the hardest to get rid off.

But then there are some days where you just suprise yourself. You get everything right, you're playing like you've never played before, your flow is smooth, you feel so damn good about it. You don't think about anything else but that feeling you have, that extremely gratifying feeling. You're on a roll because you have nothing to worry about, nothing else to want, nothing bad to think about. I've had one of those days but many of the previous experience as well.

I guess I'm writing this because I miss having an activity that requires dedication, commitment, priority and focus. I miss having something that can be called a skill or talent. The two things that I had under my belt was swimming and the piano. But unfortunately for myself, I was taken away from the one sport that I used to love because of parental commitments and I made myself quit piano because I thought I wasn't good enough. Thats 11 years of playing the keys. But I admit I wasn't quite a fan of it. Then there was the guitar but thats another story. I guess making up excuses like my hands are too small or my fingers are too short and not strong enough is kind pathetic.

So the only thing that I can and have to concentrate on now is uni. As sad as it sounds. I don't have any other commitments, I honestly wish I had. The one thing I have to concentrate on now is the LASt thing I want to do, the last thing I can focus on because I'm focusing on commitments that I don't have. I'm not going to say what it is ..just because..it can get quite embarrassing. Well for one, it's writing on the blog hoping someone out there will understand my vagueness.

All I want to do now is jump into a river, float, look up into the sky and see the stars while listening to someone playing the piano from a distance. Not a drop of worry in the world because you're just floating on it.

Just floating.