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I’ll Be Okay
1 day ago
Friday, February 20, 2009
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Pretentious, lazy piece of shit, you are.
Have you ever felt so angry that when you look at that some you're pissed at, all you can picture is taking a metal bat and bashing their face in?
I never used to have these visual thoughts, well because they are evil and malicious. But now, now I see the need in doing so to save my sanity.
I picture their face distorting in slow motion, blood and fluids slowly gushing out from their mouths, teeth falling apart, eyes closed, face cringe in pain. The thought of me doing that to that someone satisfies me to the core, to see them in pain and suffering lifts the burden off my shoulders.
My heart is not growing fonder, only harder. I'm becoming one hell of a heartless bitch.
Only to you though, only towards you.
Have you ever felt so angry that when you look at that some you're pissed at, all you can picture is taking a metal bat and bashing their face in?
I never used to have these visual thoughts, well because they are evil and malicious. But now, now I see the need in doing so to save my sanity.
I picture their face distorting in slow motion, blood and fluids slowly gushing out from their mouths, teeth falling apart, eyes closed, face cringe in pain. The thought of me doing that to that someone satisfies me to the core, to see them in pain and suffering lifts the burden off my shoulders.
My heart is not growing fonder, only harder. I'm becoming one hell of a heartless bitch.
Only to you though, only towards you.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Not home anymore.
Recently I've been harbouring guest; accommodating some friends from out of the city as we are all homeless and still hunting for houses. As a host, you want to treat your guest right. Give them comfort and offer them whatever to make them enjoy their stay. As guest, you usually appreciate this offer and try your best to not make the host go through too much trouble for you. When you're a guest, you have to remember that you are not in a hotel, where you pay for service. So where do you draw the line? Be it if you are seeing from the point of view of the host or the guest.
Firstly, I'm kinda a guest in this house myself. Technically I'm house sitting for a friend. I've been sleeping on the couch for a month now, only because it's summer and the rooms are so warm that you can see mirages. Anyways, as I said, I've been sleeping in the hall. I usually open the windows to let fresh air in and to do that you have to open the curtains as well. I'm not fussed with sun light in the morning because it helps me wake up in the morning and I'm fine waking up at 8 am everyday. It has become my routine; waking up at 8 am and sleeping at 11-12 pm. I love and need my sleep.
But then I realised alot of people has to sleep in darkness, I mean yea I would prefer to sleep in dark as well but I don't wanna waste my life waking up at 12 pm everyday because your body doesnt know it's time to wake up. So I've been doing this alot now, changing my routine for other people. Sacrifice the fresh air I like to breathe. I still wake up at 8-9 am, go on my computer and use it in the dark because if i turn on the lights, it would probably disturb them.
It didn't bother me at first but I guess they really pushed by buttons last night. It was 2 am and by then I've been awake for about 19 hours. My eyes were heavy, my head was heavy, I needed to go to sleep. So I hinted..and hinted..anddd hinted.. but to much ado, nothing worked. Music still playing, the light killing my eyes, i really needed to sleep. Even after they've put their things away, they started talking. I will sound like a pain in the ass after I say this, but yea, I can't sleep with the lights on nor with sound. I like the silence. Natural light in the morning is encouraging but artificial light that burns through your lids will just set off a time bomb.
I guess sometimes you expect people to treat you as you would treat them. Since you know where i'm going with this point ( I hope ), I would have just said oh sorry, turned off my computer and continue what I was doing the next day or just move to another room saying if it's okay, I really need to get this done. I mean we are all sharing aren't we. Sharing is caring yes, but boundaries and respect keep friendships going.
Ah also...Ah I'm goign to sound like the biggest cheapskate but I've been really trifty with electricty because hey, I don't get allowance from parents anymore, I work parttime which pays me almost close to nothing, I have to minimize my use of money. I'm like poor. So it's bad enough that I have to fork up $180 for last months bill which I still cannot grasp because I've been living alone. I don't use jack shit. Computer and the occasional tv and thats mainly it. We've been using the airconditioning lately and..I know it's going to hurt me at the end of the month. All my pay is going into electricty in this apartment and half of the time I'm not using it because I'm at work and they're in the house...I just...yea I don't want to think about it but I know I'm going to struggle at the end of my stay here. Oh and they've been using a roll of toilet paper a day. I...am...speechless..I really am. Right now I cannot afford to accommodate this. The last thing I want to do is to turn to my parents for help, which I am trying my best not to. They're having tough times as well, we're all in tough times.
Going through all this just makes me want to give up and just go home.
I just want to be with my family and my bestfriends right now and forget about all these things.
Recently I've been harbouring guest; accommodating some friends from out of the city as we are all homeless and still hunting for houses. As a host, you want to treat your guest right. Give them comfort and offer them whatever to make them enjoy their stay. As guest, you usually appreciate this offer and try your best to not make the host go through too much trouble for you. When you're a guest, you have to remember that you are not in a hotel, where you pay for service. So where do you draw the line? Be it if you are seeing from the point of view of the host or the guest.
Firstly, I'm kinda a guest in this house myself. Technically I'm house sitting for a friend. I've been sleeping on the couch for a month now, only because it's summer and the rooms are so warm that you can see mirages. Anyways, as I said, I've been sleeping in the hall. I usually open the windows to let fresh air in and to do that you have to open the curtains as well. I'm not fussed with sun light in the morning because it helps me wake up in the morning and I'm fine waking up at 8 am everyday. It has become my routine; waking up at 8 am and sleeping at 11-12 pm. I love and need my sleep.
But then I realised alot of people has to sleep in darkness, I mean yea I would prefer to sleep in dark as well but I don't wanna waste my life waking up at 12 pm everyday because your body doesnt know it's time to wake up. So I've been doing this alot now, changing my routine for other people. Sacrifice the fresh air I like to breathe. I still wake up at 8-9 am, go on my computer and use it in the dark because if i turn on the lights, it would probably disturb them.
It didn't bother me at first but I guess they really pushed by buttons last night. It was 2 am and by then I've been awake for about 19 hours. My eyes were heavy, my head was heavy, I needed to go to sleep. So I hinted..and hinted..anddd hinted.. but to much ado, nothing worked. Music still playing, the light killing my eyes, i really needed to sleep. Even after they've put their things away, they started talking. I will sound like a pain in the ass after I say this, but yea, I can't sleep with the lights on nor with sound. I like the silence. Natural light in the morning is encouraging but artificial light that burns through your lids will just set off a time bomb.
I guess sometimes you expect people to treat you as you would treat them. Since you know where i'm going with this point ( I hope ), I would have just said oh sorry, turned off my computer and continue what I was doing the next day or just move to another room saying if it's okay, I really need to get this done. I mean we are all sharing aren't we. Sharing is caring yes, but boundaries and respect keep friendships going.
Ah also...Ah I'm goign to sound like the biggest cheapskate but I've been really trifty with electricty because hey, I don't get allowance from parents anymore, I work parttime which pays me almost close to nothing, I have to minimize my use of money. I'm like poor. So it's bad enough that I have to fork up $180 for last months bill which I still cannot grasp because I've been living alone. I don't use jack shit. Computer and the occasional tv and thats mainly it. We've been using the airconditioning lately and..I know it's going to hurt me at the end of the month. All my pay is going into electricty in this apartment and half of the time I'm not using it because I'm at work and they're in the house...I just...yea I don't want to think about it but I know I'm going to struggle at the end of my stay here. Oh and they've been using a roll of toilet paper a day. I...am...speechless..I really am. Right now I cannot afford to accommodate this. The last thing I want to do is to turn to my parents for help, which I am trying my best not to. They're having tough times as well, we're all in tough times.
Going through all this just makes me want to give up and just go home.
I just want to be with my family and my bestfriends right now and forget about all these things.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
You learn and see something new everyday
I ...wrote a heap of stuff and I somehow stuffed it up. I honestly cannot remember what I previously wrote because I'm such a goldfish, so I'm just going to put up pictures.
The crowd watching the Great Australian Duck Race. Rubber ducks are cool but it was probably the most slowest most painful race I ever sat through; scorching heat, crying babies, did I mention scorching heat.
After what it seems like eternity, the race started. I left after 5 minutes because my skin was on fireee.
(Oh yea, I learned something new today. Black and white photos with colour accent, yay! not the best but eh, my first try)
Me and my new ugly dark skin and dying grasses. No one was around me because I was sitting on the pathway, which I only realised after almost getting run over by baby prams, over and over again.
I was looking up at the sky today and saw this in the making.
Pretty cool...preeeety cool.
Tennis, ah yes tennis, I've been watching it on a big screen in Fed Square even though there is a tv in the house. I didn't want to watch it alone :(.
I could go on and on about how much I.....but yyeo will only roll her eyes and puke blood, so i'll spare my feelings. haha
fin.
I ...wrote a heap of stuff and I somehow stuffed it up. I honestly cannot remember what I previously wrote because I'm such a goldfish, so I'm just going to put up pictures.
The crowd watching the Great Australian Duck Race. Rubber ducks are cool but it was probably the most slowest most painful race I ever sat through; scorching heat, crying babies, did I mention scorching heat.
After what it seems like eternity, the race started. I left after 5 minutes because my skin was on fireee.
(Oh yea, I learned something new today. Black and white photos with colour accent, yay! not the best but eh, my first try)
Me and my new ugly dark skin and dying grasses. No one was around me because I was sitting on the pathway, which I only realised after almost getting run over by baby prams, over and over again.
I was looking up at the sky today and saw this in the making.
Pretty cool...preeeety cool.
Tennis, ah yes tennis, I've been watching it on a big screen in Fed Square even though there is a tv in the house. I didn't want to watch it alone :(.
I could go on and on about how much I.....but yyeo will only roll her eyes and puke blood, so i'll spare my feelings. haha
fin.
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