Untitled.

I woke up this afternoon feeling terrible and useless. All I could think about was, how am I going to survive this week? How am I going to finish what I haven't started in 4 days? HOW how how how? I felt like kicking myself in the face for turning off the alarm 6 hours before. I could have had breakfast and felt much better. But instead I chose to lie and close my eyes and refuse to move. I don't know whats happening. I've been doing this for the past 2 weeks. Day dreaming and day dreaming like I don't have anything else to do.

I know I am way more what this.

While lying on the bed with my head buried under covers, I said, OKAY, I'm going to get out of bed. This is getting ridiculous. I pushed the covers and laid there for an even longer time. O_o. I turned to the left to look at all the stuff I put on my wall when I first moved in. They were pictures I drew. Many times I thought to myself, where did I get the concentration and inspiration to do something like that. Why have I turned into such a bum! I can hardly do one thing at a time now. I can hardly concentrate and think about my stupid assignment.

So to torture myself even further, I went on the uni site to check when my dooms day is, the day where I wake up really early to go on the uni site and close both eyes while scrolling down the computer screen. 11th July, a day before my birthday. What the HELL. I know I will be rocking myself to sleep, praying and pleading for a pass for at least 7 nights. I've been doing that since I started uni. Freak I know.. Imagine the relief flowing through my veins knowing that I only have another 6 months to go. Another 6 months to enjoy uni life + college life. Anxiety attack on board.

Wow I've wasted even more time just thinking of stuff to type while sitting here in my essentials and freezing in the cold, not bothering you move.

No more excuses.

I'm just going to...take a shower, lotion, dry my hair, check my inbox again, maybe clean my room...probably will clean my room, clear my desk, arrange my pens and recycle more paper. Then I'm going to commit myself to the really ugly last-week-timetable I made.

This made me get out of bed. I was happy when I wrote that. I going to happy myself now.