What used to be

I was browsing through the stuff on my laptop last night and came upon my chat histories that were saved. I decided to read my conversations with people I once used to talk to very often and tried to remember what I used to feel and went through.

Was I cut when I read something someone said to be 3 years ago, made me feel the rage I felt then again and the disappointment when I read the thing that someone said to me just a half a year ago. Nyeh, its the past. Yes it is.

It amazed me to see how much I have changed through the way I used to talk to people. how I used to talk to people who 'adored' me, people who I used to have a crush on, people I like to talk to. It makes me wonder how they are right now. It seemed like a life time ago. I can hardly remember how it feels like being 18 and how ignorant and stupid I was.

I got a peek of their lives by spending lots of time on facebook. haha. Through pictures and friends, they seem like they are having the time of their lives. But I guess that is just on the superficial. People choose to put up pictures of themselves having fun, partying, going on holidays. You don't really know what they are going through, I guess thats why its called facebook, not everything you want to know about me book. Welcome to my superficial fascia book.

So I was reading past conversations and thinking how was it that I was able to talk to these people with so much enthusiasm and so much interest via cyberspace but not in person. When in person we look at each other awkwardly sometimes and try very hard to think of something to say and most of the time the conversation just becomes too random, something I can handle, the random thing but not everyone can. Being random is highly essential to keep whatever sort of relationships moving further. But yea I admit I converse better online sometimes.

It's so hard to find people to bullshit with. I used to have a handful and it was one of the best times of my life, vomiting all sort of random shit while sitting at the mamak until 5 am. Good times, good times. I'm definitely looking forward to visiting home this mid year, that is if i save enough. Nah not if, definitely will save enough. Lots of holiday plans on the making, lots of food to eat and places to visit. Hmmm, can't wait.