Thirteen

I had a 13 hour sleep with no interruption. Haven't slept that long in such a long time. My mind was blank, I couldn't remember anything, I couldn't smell, I couldn't feel.
It was good.
Now that I am awake, I just want to fall back into a deep sleep and not wake up. I just don't feel like facing anything or anyone.
I feel sick. Sick deep down inside the pit of my stomach. Something is wrong.

I would not have admit this earlier but deep down inside I really want to go back. I keep on telling myself that there isn't any reason for me to, but I see that there is now. If it wasn't for the fact that my mom is coming and if it wasn't for the fact that my very cherished friend is coming, I would have probably have broke down in one way or another.
How could I have boldly say that I can survive on my own when it's everyone else that I care for are the ones that kept me sane.

Friends influence how we think and what we do. I have changed so much over the years because of the many different people I made friends with.
I was happy with no worries. Having friends like Mel and Nat totally kept me grounded.
yyeo showed me a whole totally different side of friendship which I still cherish. I haven't been myself totally with anyone else besides these 3 people.
I realised that I have changed for the better but also for the worst in many other things. Friends that I met from then are good friends no doubt, but always made me question myself and of my actions, my thoughts and what I say when I am around them. I have somehow lost my sense of self. Just when I thought I have found myself, I realise I didn't. There are some people I hope I will always be friends with. But theses are the one way friendships...one way to nowhere.

Now the vicious cycle of being accepted spins off again. I guess it will never stop. I guess it's the matter of choosing wisely and avoiding gracefully. Fun, real and forever. Start categorizing.

I've met some people that just sucks you into a crazy vortex. I've met the very shallow ones, the very fakes, deceiving. These I will avoid gracefully. very very gracefully. I guess that's step one.