Hold on, No let go.

Has negativity taken a hold on me? Here I am, with people constantly telling me to live positively, going on a spiral journey downwards to who knows where. Why be the cynical old lady you say? I say, it has to do with every contribution I've made to my life and what happens around me. I think I do alright in this world, but I guess the world doesn't agree with me on that. I don't know if I can accept being on the sidelines watching people happily cross the finish line. One by one, everyone's a winner except me. Okay, I take that back, I'm a winner as well.. the sideline winner.

It's like I'm that child who wishes for that very pretty Barbie doll dressed in that spectacular gown. She wishes and wishes, stares at the doll when she's in the toy store, goes home...to only wish and wish again. Comes Christmas, this pretty box wrapped in pretty paper lies under the Christmas tree waiting to be opened. She picks up the present and instantly knows that it's what she wanted. She slowly opens the present, making sure she doesn't tear the wrapper because she keeps everything that is given to her, even the wrapper. She got a glimpse of the box, this PINK box staring back at her. She gets so excited and takes a moment to look at her parents with a big smile on her face, the only way she knows how to say Thank You. She turns the box around and to her dismay, it was a Barbie doll alright but it was just another Barbie doll. Not that Barbie doll in that spectacular dress, no. It was just another Barbie doll. Her heart breaks inside but that didn't affect her smile. She has learned to hide behind that smile of hers because every year that Barbie doll was still on display in that toy store.
After that Christmas, she never got a Barbie doll again. She grew up and grew out of it. She wished for other things, but never got them. It was a vicious cycle she wished she could get out of - there she goes, wishing again. To make things worst, she saw her friends getting everything that she ever wanted . It broke her heart to hear them complain about not having more and just not appreciating it.

She can't write anymore.