Life's a beach.

2009-02-20T10:44:00.001+11:00

2009-02-03T15:32:00.002+11:00

I hate couples who fully make out in front of me.

Fucking get a room.

2009-02-03T15:00:00.003+11:00

Pretentious, lazy piece of shit, you are.

Have you ever felt so angry that when you look at that some you're pissed at, all you can picture is taking a metal bat and bashing their face in?

I never used to have these visual thoughts, well because they are evil and malicious. But now, now I see the need in doing so to save my sanity.

I picture their face distorting in slow motion, blood and fluids slowly gushing out from their mouths, teeth falling apart, eyes closed, face cringe in pain. The thought of me doing that to that someone satisfies me to the core, to see them in pain and suffering lifts the burden off my shoulders.

My heart is not growing fonder, only harder. I'm becoming one hell of a heartless bitch.
Only to you though, only towards you.

2009-02-01T11:47:00.002+11:00

Not home anymore.

Recently I've been harbouring guest; accommodating some friends from out of the city as we are all homeless and still hunting for houses. As a host, you want to treat your guest right. Give them comfort and offer them whatever to make them enjoy their stay. As guest, you usually appreciate this offer and try your best to not make the host go through too much trouble for you. When you're a guest, you have to remember that you are not in a hotel, where you pay for service. So where do you draw the line? Be it if you are seeing from the point of view of the host or the guest.

Firstly, I'm kinda a guest in this house myself. Technically I'm house sitting for a friend. I've been sleeping on the couch for a month now, only because it's summer and the rooms are so warm that you can see mirages. Anyways, as I said, I've been sleeping in the hall. I usually open the windows to let fresh air in and to do that you have to open the curtains as well. I'm not fussed with sun light in the morning because it helps me wake up in the morning and I'm fine waking up at 8 am everyday. It has become my routine; waking up at 8 am and sleeping at 11-12 pm. I love and need my sleep.

But then I realised alot of people has to sleep in darkness, I mean yea I would prefer to sleep in dark as well but I don't wanna waste my life waking up at 12 pm everyday because your body doesnt know it's time to wake up. So I've been doing this alot now, changing my routine for other people. Sacrifice the fresh air I like to breathe. I still wake up at 8-9 am, go on my computer and use it in the dark because if i turn on the lights, it would probably disturb them.

It didn't bother me at first but I guess they really pushed by buttons last night. It was 2 am and by then I've been awake for about 19 hours. My eyes were heavy, my head was heavy, I needed to go to sleep. So I hinted..and hinted..anddd hinted.. but to much ado, nothing worked. Music still playing, the light killing my eyes, i really needed to sleep. Even after they've put their things away, they started talking. I will sound like a pain in the ass after I say this, but yea, I can't sleep with the lights on nor with sound. I like the silence. Natural light in the morning is encouraging but artificial light that burns through your lids will just set off a time bomb.

I guess sometimes you expect people to treat you as you would treat them. Since you know where i'm going with this point ( I hope ), I would have just said oh sorry, turned off my computer and continue what I was doing the next day or just move to another room saying if it's okay, I really need to get this done. I mean we are all sharing aren't we. Sharing is caring yes, but boundaries and respect keep friendships going.

Ah also...Ah I'm goign to sound like the biggest cheapskate but I've been really trifty with electricty because hey, I don't get allowance from parents anymore, I work parttime which pays me almost close to nothing, I have to minimize my use of money. I'm like poor. So it's bad enough that I have to fork up $180 for last months bill which I still cannot grasp because I've been living alone. I don't use jack shit. Computer and the occasional tv and thats mainly it. We've been using the airconditioning lately and..I know it's going to hurt me at the end of the month. All my pay is going into electricty in this apartment and half of the time I'm not using it because I'm at work and they're in the house...I just...yea I don't want to think about it but I know I'm going to struggle at the end of my stay here. Oh and they've been using a roll of toilet paper a day. I...am...speechless..I really am. Right now I cannot afford to accommodate this. The last thing I want to do is to turn to my parents for help, which I am trying my best not to. They're having tough times as well, we're all in tough times.

Going through all this just makes me want to give up and just go home.

I just want to be with my family and my bestfriends right now and forget about all these things.

2009-01-27T20:54:00.008+11:00

You learn and see something new everyday

I ...wrote a heap of stuff and I somehow stuffed it up. I honestly cannot remember what I previously wrote because I'm such a goldfish, so I'm just going to put up pictures.

The crowd watching the Great Australian Duck Race. Rubber ducks are cool but it was probably the most slowest most painful race I ever sat through; scorching heat, crying babies, did I mention scorching heat.

After what it seems like eternity, the race started. I left after 5 minutes because my skin was on fireee.

(Oh yea, I learned something new today. Black and white photos with colour accent, yay! not the best but eh, my first try)

Me and my new ugly dark skin and dying grasses. No one was around me because I was sitting on the pathway, which I only realised after almost getting run over by baby prams, over and over again.

I was looking up at the sky today and saw this in the making.

Pretty cool...preeeety cool.

Tennis, ah yes tennis, I've been watching it on a big screen in Fed Square even though there is a tv in the house. I didn't want to watch it alone :(.
I could go on and on about how much I.....but yyeo will only roll her eyes and puke blood, so i'll spare my feelings. haha

fin.

2009-01-20T23:07:00.003+11:00

Gimme a house!!!

Who knew finding a house would be so hard...bragh! So many people, so little houses.

2009-01-16T15:22:00.002+11:00

Afternoon news

It's not formal (?) but I can officially say I'm about to grad soon. woots! No more thoughts of "Oh No, What if I fail this subject? shit shit shiit shiiiit!!! ". No more rocking myself to sleep like a senile old woman. Ah ha ha, none of that for me.

How did I manage to scrape through like this? It's a miracle. A miracle indeed.

La Di Da

2009-01-13T23:37:00.002+11:00

Composed is what you should be.

I finally got the job. Today was my first day of work and boy did it abuse my feet and bashed my face in glass. I've never worked in a cafe before this and to work on a super busy night on my first shift was a real kicker. It's weird being on the other side for a change. To serve people instead of getting served. I cannot picture myself working full time in a cafe. My brains will wilt and die and wilt some more.

So anyways, I'm still house hunting. Such a terrible experience. Application forms and more application forms, gargh...I can't wait to have a house to call my rented own. As much as I would love to crash on the 37th floor with an absolutely amazing view of the city and beyond, I'm longing to have a place of my own, a BED of my own. Oh yes a bed of my own...drools. Oh and also get some sweet speakers to listen to music the way it should be heard, not through a 4 year old laptop speakers. So many things to look forward to!!

Gosh, I'm beat. I can't think anymore.
Lets hope something interesting happens in the coming weeks. Something to write about.

2009-01-06T17:40:00.004+11:00

Two Thousand 'Fine and Dandy' Nine

Hello and Happy New Year! It's been a while since I've blogged about my very very interesting life. What can I say, time flies.

So what have I been doing for these past few weeks? Well, I went on a seaweed camp. Yes, it was awesome. I loved it. I was a seaweed expert for 2 weeks, tops 3 weeks. Got burnt and roasted on the reef and endured more wet weather. Unfortunately that part of my life is now in the past. I no longer know the names of these slimy green/red/brown plant which they call algae. Instincts will tell me what can be eaten and what cannot. All together AUD 7000+ to gain those important knowledge, crammed in 2 weeks.

After camp and 6 hours worth of exam, I became a bum. A bum that wakes up at 8 am and stares into the abyss. An abyss of well whatever that was in font of me that the time. It was terrible. I was happy that I'm done with my undergraduate degree but sad that I am now unemployed and friendless in this wonderful yet dreadful boring city.

So after Christmas I went to look for jobs, looking as in searching online and attaching resumes through emails. I didn't feel like walking around and handing it in personally. So I waited for what it seemed to be ages until I got a reply from this restaurant, an asian cuisine kinda fine dining restaurant, and was asked to drop by for an interview which I went. I don't have much experience so any job offered to me I would gladly take. So the floor manager asked me, urm don't you want to know how much the pay is?. OH yea...of course, I knew I forgotten something. You get paid when you work, hooray! But to my horror, the pay was well Shit. ..I took it anyway. Came Friday, training day. One hour in and I wanted to slap myself and walk out of that place. For the next 4 hours, I was hoping she wouldn't call me back, or roster me after this training was over. I mean after all it's just training...I know I wasted her time, but hey while I was there, there was only ONE customer that came for lunch. Fine dining is just not for me. I'm not very proper person, I cannot recommend you wine or even remember all the 15-20 different wines that they serve in the restaurant, and not to forget beers and the many beverages they offer. I can't serve wine without dripping it everywhere, red wine especially! Argh Killmenow!

I JUST DON'T WANT THIS JOB!

But I need it. I need the money because I would like to pay for my own rent and bills and food like any other 23 year old would. So I sucked up and told myself to endure it.

While waiting for the call, I got another interview with another cafe, and yes anyone in their right mind would go for it. Lets just say after the interview, I called up the fine dining place to tell them that I don't want to work for them even though I haven't gotten this new job. It just made me realise how dumb I was to work for less than mininum wage at a FINE dining restaurant when I can get more working in a small cafe. Infact I can earn more money buy selling stuff on ebay......Well I dont know that for sure but it beats serving old rich uptight people and working with staff that would only speak mandarin or cantonese in front of you.

Blah.

I know I should be looking for a real job now but I'm actually afraid of getting rejected therefore I'm just delaying that process by working as a food servant for a while, " To find myself " I say.
Bullcrap and shit I know but life is short. I do not know how that relates to my situation but hey oh wells.

I'm currently waiting for my seaweed results to determine if I can officially graduate in March. I pray ten thousand times a day that I do. I bloody have to and when I do, I can apply to be a permanent resident which I pray even more to get. Nothing beats planning out your life one step at a time.

So wish me luck! I will find out if I get this job and that I pass my degree and graduate in March this week. My first crucial life changing urm event of this year. WOots! Boy, I so can't wait.

deviantart

2008-12-27T09:31:00.005+11:00

Rein on Xmas

So Christmas came and went, and I'm glad to say that it's definitely better than last year. Actually, wait...I think I did the same thing last year, just that I had company this year which makes a hell a lot of difference.

So what did we do? We cooked for Christmas Eve..It was very experimental; the pavlova, the chicken pie, some weird as vege dish (I can still taste that one in my mouth). But all in all, it was a good hearty meal.

I know, that's the flattest pav ever...it was my first attempt but it tasted good! that's all that matters haha. And the left over egg yolks fried with vege...hmmm, might not actually do that again.

Christmas day was spent at the beach

then it was off to Audrey's place to have a massive meat feast.

Now...now I have to start looking for jobs.
So much fun.

xx

2008-11-20T14:58:00.001+11:00

I don't want a dog, I don't want a pony

I want this! The cutest thing I've ever seen.

2008-11-15T21:28:00.000+11:00

Nuts about you xx

2008-11-15T21:23:00.001+11:00

Timtamalicous!

2008-11-10T11:51:00.002+11:00

Death row

I'm walking in the spiderwebs so leave a message I will call you back.

2008-11-09T03:04:00.002+11:00

Was it a dream?

He knocked on my door, came in and sat on my bed.
Looked at me but didn't say anything.
I walked towards the bed and sat next to him.
Silence.
Comfortable silence.
Unbearable silence.
He stood up and walked out the door.
Over.
and nothing more.

2008-11-03T01:09:00.003+11:00

Something I'd put my butt in, maybe

How cool is this! Want to shower or take a bath? Just spin it around! Gosh. What a beautiful thing. However, it looks kind of dangerous, especially trying to get out of the bath with all the edges and the fact that it's not a flat surface. One wouldn't want a concussion after a bath.

I'd still go for something more traditional (if I had a choice )

Oh who needs a bath anyways, showers are the way to go ;)

2008-10-31T11:25:00.002+11:00

Another dedication just because I love you!

Hope you had a great one!

♥♥♥

2008-10-29T17:49:00.003+11:00

It would be a beautiful death indeed

Stress with life?
Feel like it's not worth living at this moment?
Or just plain bored?

Why not try our latest head breaking treatment.

Cliff-Off.

It will solve all your needs.
No rules. Minimal instructions. As simple as A.B.C.

Just.Walk.Off.

Pretty ain't it?

Shame on you...

2008-10-28T22:32:00.007+11:00

Peaches

Lets go back in time to 1995 when the presidents of the united states of america sang about peaches.

Movin' to the country,
gonna eat a lot of peaches
Movin' to the country,
Gonna eat me a lot of peaches
Movin' to the country,
gonna eat a lot of peaches
Movin' to the country,
gonna eat a lot of peaches

Peaches come from a can,
they were put there by a man
In a factory downtown
If I had my little way,
I'd eat peaches every day
Sun-soakin' bulges in the shade

Take a little nap where the roots all twist
Squished a rotten peach in my fist
And dreamed about you, woman,
I poked my finger down inside
Make a little room for an ant to hide
Nature's candy in my hand or can or a pie

Millions of peaches, peaches for me
Millions of peaches, peaches for free

Look out!

After many years of listening to this song, I'm starting to think that it means something else.....Nothing is ever what it seems nowadays.

Peaches? No?

2008-10-18T22:33:00.002+11:00

Thank You For Smoking

smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette,
smoke, smoke, smoke yourself to death.

2008-10-16T11:25:00.004+11:00

Dye noob.

As I was listening to all (okay, 3 out of 7) lectures that I've missed through the online lecture system, I had the sudden urge to do something to myself. I saw nail polish so I decided to colour my nails. After doing that, I realised it wasn't enough to satisfy this boredom that has been looming all around me. While playing with my hair (more like looking for split ends and cutting them, fun) I thought, Hey wouldn't it be a good idea to dye my hair. It was 8:30 pm and the only place that was open at this hour was Safeway.

So yes, I went to Safeway, stood in the aisle for 20 minutes figuring what colour I'd like on my hair. After much indecisiveness I picked a colour. Went home, opened up the box to only realise the conditioner was missing. DAmn these people. Stupid me for not checking. Anyways, I mixed the stuff together and put it on my hair. Waited for 30 minutes, went to wash it off.

I knew deep down inside when I picked the colour that it wasn't going to come out the way I wanted. I mean (duh!!), seriously, I have black hair, like really black hair. Logic was overtaken by this urgency. So, to much disappointment, it kinda came out darker than I thought it would be. I'm pretty sad about it. Maybe when I'm outdoors, under the sun it might show. MIGHT. What a fuckin noob.

Not only did it not come out lightER, it also kinda made my hair really Dry..stupid missing conditioner. Oh wells, since it's alright kinda damaged, I'm just going to swim it away. Let chlorine do what it does best. Destroy Mo@!$#%^!

2008-10-14T22:15:00.003+11:00

Ache

Aching.
No, lies.

Pining.
No, fabricated truth.

Excruciating yearning.
Absolute sincerity.

2008-10-13T00:55:00.003+11:00

Hate how much I love you
(ooo, cheesy factor alert )

It's one of those things that just comes out of no where and hits you in the face unexpectedly.
It's one of those things that you want so much but can't have.
It teases you with bits and pieces of it, never whole.
It's one of those days when you walk out of somewhere to be greeted by someone you never thought you'd bum into.
It secretly made your day complete but you never told anyone about it.
You don't because to them it's something stupid and you know that other person does not feel excited like you do.
You come back to your room thinking to yourself how unfair life can be sometimes..but at the same time gives you light.
Maybe light is all we need to go on living life...
It might not be as full and beautiful as you want it to be, but living life none the less.

2008-10-07T15:37:00.002+11:00

Swim hoe.

I'm so exhausted! but it doesn't matter, I see a small ab like looking muscle forming. yipee!
One small little ab down, 2 inch of beautiful substance above my muscles to go.
Nah just kidding, all I really want is man shoulders.

2008-10-04T14:46:00.004+10:00

Baldie?

So my cousin decided to shave baby Will's head.

Before

After

All babies should be bald.

2008-10-03T14:03:00.002+10:00

Konichiwa, okay bye bye.

A dream of spectacular vividity.
A dream of horrid circumstance.
A Donnie Darko schizophrenia like scene.
Tubes of fluid light pertruding from the chest, a preview of the next distination.
Instead, a dream of golden tubular solid like fluids containing electricity fills the air, a lightning pathway showing itself.
Girls in pretty dresses while boys in boring attires.
Crawling through tunnels and sitting in a dark skied desert with yellow streaks.
Waiting for someone, only to realise it was the wrong person.
A kiss of disgust and hatred.
A semi lucid state of mind awoke this unconscious person within to make that one change that would change everything.
A director for 2 seconds.
2 seconds of bliss.
Wrong was made to right.
Disgust and hatred; crashed and burned.
Reality beckons.
Should have known.

2008-10-01T00:44:00.002+10:00

23

I won't always love these selfish things.
I won't always live, not stopping.
No one else will have me like you do.
No one else will have me only you.
I won't always love what I'll never have.
I won't always live in my regrets.

2008-09-29T19:48:00.003+10:00

The land of pretty flowers, side way views and killer birds

A 24 hour trip to Geelong. Who knew the regionals are bloody amazing.

2008-09-26T22:45:00.003+10:00

Infatuation factory.

My ability to 'manufacture' these feelings are unbelievable. It's so hard to comprehend why I like to make myself so vulnerable. He's just a guy, who I hardly see let alone talk to. It's so unhealthy. It's so exhilarating. It's so very normal.

2008-09-23T13:45:00.004+10:00

Mr. Men and Little Miss.

One way to tell whether a person is in love is to look at their faces when a gift for a certain someone is being opened and scrutinized. A mixture of nervousness, anxiety and excitement shown by their facial expressions. That awkward smile that makes the muscles twitch. Such a priceless moment.

Girls handle these situations better. Girls are more composed and confident. Guys on the other hand are terrible, terrible in hiding these feelings. I don't know if it breaks my heart to see a guy so smitten over their loved half or discretely crack up inside to see such emotions oozing from a bloke. Either way, I think it's really sweet. It's been a 100 years since I experienced it myself. I guess it's worth the wait.

2008-09-18T15:52:00.004+10:00

2008-09-18T15:52:00.003+10:00

Fizzy + Chewy!

Walked back from class yesterday to find 8 fizzers taped on my door. It's guardian angel week; the flowers were for my mortal. So anyways, this candy was unknown to me. I've never seen it nor heard of it. It's pink, I don't really pay attention to such colours. haha.

Who would have thought that a candy can be chewy and fizzy at the same time! Chewy candy that fizzles and dissolves in your mouth. Gosh, amazing.
I've had a whole strip and drank some water after.

Don't feel so good anymore.

2008-09-17T16:28:00.005+10:00

Orange cabbage stir fry

Bought some flowers for a friend today. As I was unwrapping to rearrange the flowers to my liking, I was horrified to see 7 flowers in a whole bunch of vege like leaves. I was rather disappointed.

After I was done with all the cutting and pealing and rearranging, my room smelled like a minty vege garden. Smells funky.

2008-09-15T14:07:00.005+10:00

Baby Bill

A couple of weeks ago, my cousin's wife gave birth to their first child. Introducing William Tang (will fill in chinese name here soon)!!

Here's a picture of our new member.

He has more hair than I did when I was born.

2008-09-14T22:11:00.005+10:00

Sweating cheese

My one day old out of the fridge very hard sweaty oily cheese.

the pain in you or me?

2008-09-09T22:41:00.003+10:00

Nothing links.

I keep on making the same mistakes time and time again.
I hate it when I let my will power slip away when I'm drinking. All the damage it has cost and stirred up. My behaviour and thoughts these past few weeks has been somewhat unexpected from me.

I read my older posts the other day and I realise how idiotic of a person I can be sometimes when caught up in a situation. My apologies. I might have over exaggerated my feelings towards some things which were unnecesary.

I guess everyone goes through this phase, the whole having to accept the fact that you're going to face reality soon, having all these weird depression phases, guilt, needy, lonely, thinking that karma hates you phases. All bundled up in one go while trying to have fun at the same time. It's bloody exhausting. I'm exhausted. I just want my mind to be in a state of serenity.

I suppose this is being selfish, while there are others out there with much more issues and problems in their lives. Compared to them, my current discontent with life is just a cherry top on a humoungous multi layered sundae.

depressed much?

Have a look, just take a look.

2008-09-02T21:43:00.004+10:00

Love finds you, you don't find love.

2008-08-27T19:46:00.002+10:00

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.

Life is

2008-08-12T15:48:00.003+10:00

Life is something like this some of the time

Broken and chapped
Dirty and wet.

But sometimes....

Momentary

2008-08-11T15:24:00.002+10:00

Momentarily unable to comprehend what this part of my life is suppose to be like.
Momentarily happy to be happy doing absolutely nothing.
Momentarily absorbing all youth has to offer, but unnecessarily good.
It's all just momentarily momentary.

Man Are Vampires

2008-08-03T21:50:00.000+10:00

My heart is in my hands, take it if you like.
I don't mind.

who's that girl?

2008-08-02T13:31:00.002+10:00

Changes in physical attributes sometimes changes the very person deep down inside. It takes a little to boost someone up but it also takes that much to bring a person down.
After hiding under a big fat giant rock with a barb wire fence surrounding it for what it seems like eternity, this person realises that reality is a little bit too screwed up. It feels like she is being forced to conform with everything and everyone in this world to fit in. She's embarrassed to say that she has recently been conforming and somehow it does not feel right. Being an individual is so important that it disgusts her when under the influence of certain substances everyone behaves the same. It makes one think if it is actually the very human instinct to behave that way when one doesn't use their brains. It's bad enough that we only use 10% of our brains, what happens if we use way less; just like any other animal. The world would be in chaos. Like how it is already every day and every night.
Oh, who is the hypocrite now?
She, he, we. Me.

Born in 1974

2008-07-18T19:36:00.002+10:00

Favorite picture of the moment.

Taken in 1974. Dad is somewhere in the pic.

So anyways, I endured the most painful experience this afternoon. One and a half fishsticking hours of bearable but yet unbearable pain. So far no regrets. I shall give it a few days to see how it turns out. Money and time well spent? We'll see. Time will tell.

Objects galore

2008-07-18T01:01:00.010+10:00

So instead of taking pictures of historical buildings in Melacca, I decided to take pictures of objects. Okay I lie, the only reason I decided to take more pictures of object was because of my lack of photo taking skills and lack of an awesome camera. So anything up close and macro I can probably get right.

Super ancient stuff

nat, this asam laksa is just for you. LOvesxx!! hahaaha

We left the house at 7 am and reached back in KL at 7 pm. Within that time, we ate and ate and ate and because of that, I'm having a bad as stomach ache. I vow not to eat durian again.

Anyways, tomorrow is a big day for me. Will tell how it goes and if it comes out good. Cross my fingers XX!

MELLOOOOO

2008-07-11T22:39:00.003+10:00

I finally got to see my childhood bestfriend Moola after being away for 3 years. The picture of her pointing up at me and nudging her mom while I was walking down the escalator is so cute. lol. Mel still looks the same, except maybe her new found girliness. Hahaha, I guess only Nat understands this. Mel has become a shoppaholic, buying pretty stuff like bags and dresses. Oh and she's more spontaneous now. I'm sure Nat, Mel and I relate more to each other now than ever before, we're definitely a more interesting trio. The only downside about it is that we are all in different continents. Pure sadness.
Mel hope to see you again in the near future, meeting up twice was not enough. I hope you had a safe flight and will talk to you soon! love ya heaps. I honestly believe that you have a fear of fishes. Black fishes. I would love to see you snorkle one day lol.

Anyways back to my boring life.. I got my results today. Safe to say I did not fail. Well nothing is confirmed yet because there is a result delay for one of my subject. I just hope i pass that as well. Cross my fingers.. At least now I can celebrate my birthday with no guilt. :) Big smiles.

Rats

2008-07-09T17:56:00.002+10:00

Nothing is worse than a big black street rat running over your feet while walking down the street. I have never felt so violated by these filty creatures, so vulnerable and so so bloody disgusted.

URgh!!!!! I can still feel it's turgid, disgustingly furry body running above my feet. That huge diseased freakture of an animal made me walk with my toes scrunched up the whole day. I even embrassed myself infront of a handful of people, jumping up and down in disgust.

My mom got the worst out of the situation, I was walking next to her with the back of her tshirt scrunched up in my fist and with my nails sinking into her arms. Poor mom.

RATS RATS RAAAAATS.

I hate rats.

Goodness me

2008-06-09T15:07:00.002+10:00

So guess what I did today?

I ran. (Big smiley face)

Well for a total of 5 minutes I reckon, the rest of the 40 minutes were spent walking.

GOsh, I did not expect my stamina to be that Shite. I was talking myself through the route last night and I was determined to go all the way. Mind you, this is my first run this year, it's June. The first 1 minute was torture. My chest muscles must be thinking this " WHAT the Fcuk is going on, what the fuck is this, is she running, what the fuck is she thinking, we're not ready for this!!!".

I swear I could have had an asthma attack or something. But I was determined, actually more like embarrassed so I kept on going aka walking, real fast. Half way through, my ears were aching, my chest and throat were sore, my leg muschleess...let's not even go there. The best part was not breaking a sweat. Gargh. Useless.

Once I reached back, I walked right to the kitchen and got a Big Jug of water. Gawd, it felt good. I should have had something to eat before attempting to exercise...Mistake taken into account.

Just when I told myself, maybe running is not for me, I logged on to my iGoogle and read this : (my daily horoscope on igoogle).

You may start your day by running into unexpected obstacles, but this isn't time to quit. Stand firm and focus your energy on overcoming whatever is in your way. Giving up won't get you any closer to your goals and it will encourage you to doubt your abilities. Your persistence may be rewarded quicker than you think.

HAHAHA, hillarious. At this point, I'm going to be believe in anything and every thing. So MAYBE I might even try running again tomorrow.

I'm a pig

2008-06-07T14:54:00.000+10:00

Ever ever idiot

2008-06-04T19:38:00.007+10:00

Ever had that feeling where you felt this urge to do something unnecessary against your will, something that you don't ever do, or catch yourself doing, just to speak to someone?

Ever overcome those feelings by pulling yourself off the chair and do something about it?

Ever had that conversation with yourself saying, 'You can do this, you can do this!', all the way to that destination of unwillingness?

Ever reached to that destination and realised that there is no one there to greet you despite the fact that you know that someone Might be there? So you linger for a while and say hello again, but all you get is the feedback of your own echo?

and ever felt like an idiot right after while walking back to your chair?

Ever had that need to go under your sheets, face stuffed into your pillow and scream?

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.

Idiot.

Salut.

2008-06-04T00:22:00.001+10:00

stop thinking about it. stop!!

2008-06-04T00:18:00.001+10:00

Not again!!!

When did my heart go missing? I feel it now.

Oh the heaviness.

2008-06-03T21:38:00.002+10:00

Who feels happy after drinking?

*hands up, wave all about*

yea.....

Slowly Dying

2008-05-29T17:01:00.002+10:00

I'd like to tell the whole world that I have officially lost my mind due to bed time hours of 4 am, 5 am..even 6 am. My eyes are wilting while I squeeze every once of brain juice out of my brains. 24 hours before this stupid thing I'm writing is due. I have no idea what the fuck I'm going on about.
NO FUCKING IDEA.

Beaches and sands, I love you ... but not right now, not today, not tomorrow, not until I actually get to enjoy and bask in you. For now, FUck you. Leave me alone.......!@#$%^^$#&

A new path?

2008-05-27T16:36:00.002+10:00

I woke up with an epiphany. Many times I have thought about it, but today, for some odd reason it became really clear to me. My body tensed and my heart raced just at the thought of it. Is it possible? Can it actually happen to me? I've been given second chances to do what I want and this feels like it.

I called my mom out of excitement. I guess I started off the conversation in a very worrying way. I told her about my plans and to much disappointment, she was discouraged by my thoughts and plans. I understand her point of view and I totally understood her sighs. She said, "I thought you've got everything planned out? I really hope you graduate soon. It's starting to weight us down."

I felt bad even suggesting it, only because it's my life. But yes, I do see the bigger picture, I still need my parents to give me this life that I want. I know it's a risk to take but I'm going to do it, that is if I am given the chance to do so. It's a 50/50 chance of getting what I want at this point.

I know many silently laugh in their mind or even give me a smirk when I say, " Yes, I'm definitely going to get a job this time". After many attempts, I'm still jobless. But I hope I'm not underestimated again because this time it really does involve me getting a job next semester. This plan wouldn't work if I don't earn my own money, at least enough to feed and house myself after I move out of college. It's so simple just to think of it. I have to do it sooner or later so why not start now. Many might think that I'm a little bit too late but it's never too late for anything right?

Time to start moving.

Clock'o Life

2008-05-26T02:50:00.003+10:00

Since I'm going to be quite antisocial for the next 5 days, I decided to draw myself a timetable. I got lazy and I came up with this.

I'm not looking forward to thursday. I've got 7 pm to indefinite to finish up something that I've just started. 104 words, 2800 words to go.

Gosh, nothing good ever happens after 2 am.

Unbelievable

2008-05-25T21:08:00.002+10:00

TV series are one of those things that I cannot live without. I wait every week to indulge myself in the lives of fictional characters. It pleases my mind.

I know I'm one of those people that go , 'Omg, that guy in this/that show is super hot, absolutely gorgeous, what I'll give to have someone like that.' etc. etc. etc.

The one thing I do not do is take story lines and quotes from those shows and make it my own.

To read more, watch _____________.

Untitled.

2008-05-25T15:07:00.006+10:00

I woke up this afternoon feeling terrible and useless. All I could think about was, how am I going to survive this week? How am I going to finish what I haven't started in 4 days? HOW how how how? I felt like kicking myself in the face for turning off the alarm 6 hours before. I could have had breakfast and felt much better. But instead I chose to lie and close my eyes and refuse to move. I don't know whats happening. I've been doing this for the past 2 weeks. Day dreaming and day dreaming like I don't have anything else to do.

I know I am way more what this.

While lying on the bed with my head buried under covers, I said, OKAY, I'm going to get out of bed. This is getting ridiculous. I pushed the covers and laid there for an even longer time. O_o. I turned to the left to look at all the stuff I put on my wall when I first moved in. They were pictures I drew. Many times I thought to myself, where did I get the concentration and inspiration to do something like that. Why have I turned into such a bum! I can hardly do one thing at a time now. I can hardly concentrate and think about my stupid assignment.

So to torture myself even further, I went on the uni site to check when my dooms day is, the day where I wake up really early to go on the uni site and close both eyes while scrolling down the computer screen. 11th July, a day before my birthday. What the HELL. I know I will be rocking myself to sleep, praying and pleading for a pass for at least 7 nights. I've been doing that since I started uni. Freak I know.. Imagine the relief flowing through my veins knowing that I only have another 6 months to go. Another 6 months to enjoy uni life + college life. Anxiety attack on board.

Wow I've wasted even more time just thinking of stuff to type while sitting here in my essentials and freezing in the cold, not bothering you move.

No more excuses.

I'm just going to...take a shower, lotion, dry my hair, check my inbox again, maybe clean my room...probably will clean my room, clear my desk, arrange my pens and recycle more paper. Then I'm going to commit myself to the really ugly last-week-timetable I made.

This made me get out of bed. I was happy when I wrote that. I going to happy myself now.

Of talents

2008-05-19T02:52:00.006+10:00

This is the most random conversation. It's really stupid. I guess I'd be the only one that would find it funny. Note: loads of typo and grammatical error.

eVe "})i({" says: ohh.
eVe "})i({" says: u kwn wat
eVe "})i({" says: my makeup blogs
eVe "})i({" says: were talking abt this glur for double eyelids
eVe "})i({" says: tht so many actresses and bloggers swear upon it

a i ♥ says: what is that..

eVe "})i({" says: let me draw
eVe "})i({" says: hahaha
eVe "})i({" writes:

a i ♥ says: wtf is that!

eVe "})i({" says: put the glue on ur eyes

a i ♥ says: haahahahahha

eVe "})i({" says: hahahhHAHAHAHAHHhaha

a i ♥ says: ahhaah omg i have no idea

eVe "})i({" says: let me add description first la
eVe "})i({" says: shit man
eVe "})i({" says: i cannot stop lauhing
eVe "})i({" says: omg
eVe "})i({" says: i fell off my chair
eVe "})i({" says: ahahahhahahaha
a i ♥ says: ahahahahhaahhahaha

eVe "})i({" writes:

eVe "})i({" says: thn there's this stick thing
eVe "})i({" says: hahhaa
eVe "})i({" says: i still havent stop laughing by the way
eVe "})i({" says: stomach ache la

a i ♥ says: ahahahahahah

eVe "})i({" says: use the stick
eVe "})i({" says: put it on the place u wan ur double eyelid
eVe "})i({" says: thn open ur eyes
eVe "})i({" says: hold for a while
eVe "})i({" says: thn move the stick away
eVe "})i({" says: and WUAHLAAA
eVe "})i({" says: u have double eyelid

a i ♥ says: ahahah wait wait ahah what is the first picture
a i ♥ says: the red stuff

eVe "})i({" says: the red stuff is the glue
eVe "})i({" says: the blue is ur eye CLOSED
eVe "})i({" says: hahhahaa

a i ♥ says: aghahah the ahahaahhaha
a i ♥ says: ahahahahahahahahhaa

eVe "})i({" says: i wanted to say spread the glue over ur eyelids

a i ♥ says: you know the drew the glue that covered the eyes ahaha

eVe "})i({" says: but u went WTF

a i ♥ says: lol

eVe "})i({" says: and i forogt and started laughing and fell off the chair

a i ♥ says: ahahhahaha omg it's so fnnny
a i ♥ says: im saving it

Five minutes after she read it on the blog:

eVe "})i({" says: WTF MAN

a i ♥ says: ahahahahahhahahahaa

eVe "})i({" says: YEA!! spelling errors

a i ♥ says: ahahhahahahaha and when i said this
a i ♥ says: a i ♥ says: you know the drew the glue that covered the eyes ahaha
a i ♥ says: so retarded

eVe "})i({" says:
thanks for sharing my restarded drawings

a i ♥ says:restarded ahahahahahaha

Sorry I know it was painful to read but I still find it funny.

WD-40

2008-05-13T21:56:00.002+10:00

So I took a stupid challenge from y.yeo yesterday to prove to her that not everyone knows what wd-40 is. INCASE some of you might not know what it is, its some "penetrating oil spray" (?), widely used around the household.

The reason why I don't know what it is is because I've never used it. Yes, I'm sure dad has used it a million times, but you see I don't see why I have to pay attention to the brand of this oil spray. I mean dad might have used another brand. WD-40 stands for, water displacement-40th formula. Just a Brand people. There are other products out there! I'm pretty sure everyone doesn't use THIS particular brand.

So anyways, I tried to justify myself by putting this on my facebook account :
Ai wants to know if everyone, EVERYONE, knows what wd40 is and if everyone should know what it is. if i get a reply i would be quite impressed.

To my disappointment, 5 people responded to it saying that they know what it is and even mentioning it's purposes. But then again it's 5 people out of so many people I have as "friends". I'm quite sure that at least 30% of them do not know what it is. If you've never used it, seen it, have perfect closet and doors and hinges, I don't see why you should know what it is.

So I might have lost and embarrassed myself in this challenge but at least I know there's one person out there who didn't know what it was and was tormented by the same person. Elaine Yeo; we need to find something that Yvonne Yeo doesn't know about. I'm sure there's something out that there that she doesn't know...product wise that is. lol.

Till then, yvonne, wiki yourself silly.

Oh My Lord..

2008-05-10T20:27:00.002+10:00

I was finding for my thumb drive high and low, went through all my notes and messed up my table looking for it.
I sat down for a while, recalling what I used it for before it went missing. Oh yes, I went to uni to transfer a power point presentation to my lecturer's laptop. Musta put it in my pocket after I was done with it.
.
.
.
Oh wait a minute, I just washed those jeans. wtf. It's been hung to dry for the past 2 days...
Holy crap.. My thumb drive went through the washing machine, a thumb drive without a cover, an Exposed thumb drive. Great...

So I decided to plug it in the laptop to see if it works.

It does.

wow. So interesting.

Wha thaaaa

2008-05-09T19:52:00.004+10:00

Update: I shouldn't have went. It was such a weird night.

So I've been procrastinating for the longest time. 3 more weeks before the semester ends, 3 more weeks before I hand in 2 papers worth 60% and prac exams. As much as I love the fact that I only have 2 finals which is the last week of exams, I hate hate to write scientific reports that are worth 60%. Gargh.

I'm going out, but won't drink. I would love to, but my bank doesn't allow me. I suppose it's not that bad of a thing. Better socializing then sitting in my room procrastinating, watching tv series.

Closet, Close set, lost

2008-05-09T19:28:00.003+10:00

Who knew sitting in the closet with clothes hanging above your head can be so therapeutic?
It's like a part of you living inside this dark place looking out into the world and the other, just dying to be in that hiding place.
Dark and close, dark and lost.
Cupid did indeed take a piss on me.
Piss on, piss on.
I'll shove that bow up your ass one day..

Crush, What is?

2008-05-06T23:42:00.002+10:00

The definition of crush is to:
press or squeeze with a force that destroys;
to destroy, subdue, or suppress utterly;
to hug or embrace forcibly or strongly (wtf?)

- www.dictionary.com

Why do we use the word Crush to express our attraction and feelings of attraction towards someone? Why the word Crush?....

I was walking in the city one day and saw this written on a wall.

The definition of crush is to be hurt.

It's a word filled with so much negativity. So, does that actually imply that all your "crushes" will hurt you, destroy you, damage you?

That's absurd. Someone should seriously take this into consideration; change the term...please?

I need to add a " HAHA ". I'm no depressed okay. haha..I just like to know why..

DIY

2008-05-02T12:14:00.004+10:00

After much fiddling around, I managed to make my very own Patrick, Spongie Bob's bestie.

Beats trying to figure out data on excel.

He will be resting on my laptop until he overheats and melts all over it.

Ah, Patrick.

Just admiring

2008-05-01T21:41:00.003+10:00

If you have a crush on someone that you're not supposed to have a crush on, just tell people that you're *admiring their beauty. Eye candy is the new love.

* quote from Mel :p

Genius

2008-05-01T11:33:00.001+10:00

Ah! Facebook chat is so much fun. LOL.
Me likey.
Good opportunity to ask someone to stalk someone else. No excuse for being lazy to login.

Of icy cold water and stiff numb hands

2008-04-30T11:33:00.002+10:00

Icy cold water + hands&fingers = Nerve damage = An icy brick of muscle.

Icy cold water + hands&fingers + every 5 minutes intervals within 2 hours + 9 am= Hand hypothermia + mental illness.

3 more sessions of observing the feeding rates of our precious* pipefish.

*At this rate, I'd flush them down the toilet after we're done. Precious no more, down the pipe you go.

I can't even type.

Day Dream Believer

2008-04-29T16:20:00.003+10:00

Last time seeing this for free.
Free bus ride + free buns + free fish&chips.

Time to hit the books and spend heaps of time procrastinating and daydreaming.
Welcome to the daydream believer club where wonderful things happen.

Bat cave

2008-04-26T13:48:00.004+10:00

Since I chopped my hair, I've been waking up with a bat cave above my head almost every morning. The only thing missing are bats and guano (Movies have thought me lots of things, the word "guano" was learned from watching Ace Ventura: When nature calls). haha.

Every night before I go to bed, I worry about how my hair will look like when I wake up. And when I wake up, I sit for a moment visioning every strand of hair on my head and how it's going to stand. So before I look into the mirror, I'd run my hair through my fingers. In my mind, it's not that bad. Bumpy in certain places,but nothing water can't solve. It's only when I look in the mirror that I realise why mirrors are not my best friends. How shit is it to look in the mirror and see this :

What a horrific sight. I know some girls have their hair that way, BIG on the top and very little at the bottom. What the hell were they thinking? It's probably the most unflattering cut anyone can have. It gives me the cringe when I look at the drawing. Totally resembles the black thing on my head. Even Wednesday Adams had better hair. Remind me to appreciate my hair next time around. Long is good. Long is good. Long is GOod. Or find a good hair stylist. All bad hair stylist should be shot dead.

If I were to die tomorrow, I'd definitely put a picture of myself with the bat cave. But I believe I'm still going to be alive tomorrow and I would also Love to conform to those girls that like to pucker up and show off my beautiful hair for the whole world to see. Picture 1, side view. Picture 2, front view. Picture 3, rear view. Picture 4, peace sign. Picture 5, pretending to eat food. Picture 6, me getting bitch slapped.

Cheers to wonderful hair. I'm grateful to have hair on my head.

Mysterious she is

2008-04-24T21:38:00.005+10:00

I wanted to write about the cool awesome music played on TV series but I rather talk about my friend Yeo.

yvonne says:
i prefer red over green too. green taste like my toilet wash.

Yeo's life story. She's inhaled more peroxide that anyone I know. She has tasted toilet wash. Green..toilet wash. Many spend their life savings buying substances to get them high. To make them feel alive, happy and what not. My friend Yeo on the other hand, does it cheap and makes it classy. If I were to be a junkie, she's going to be my junkie guru. She gets high from off the shelves products (Yeo,2008). While I go to the shampoo isle to pick a nice smelling shampoo, Yeo kills her nasal, oesophagus and brain cells by inhaling things from sudafed to clarinase, aka the hillbilly cocktail (Yeo, 2008). I'm just doing the quoting as I don't know what those substances are. Ah, the story of her life. Mysterious indeed.

Reference

Yeo, Y., 2008. The story of my life according to yy.

I'm a math genius

2008-04-23T11:41:00.005+10:00

I used to love math. I was actually good at math. I was good until University happened. I suddenly became stupid. Hence, short sentences.

The only math I can do now is a life plan map. This was my plan last year.

( I know...it's not even math..oh..it can be geometry..there's lines and X's and arrows involved)

Note: I did not miscalculate the length of my life. I should mention that B is after graduation.
I believe I'm going to be living for a very long time.

So, yes that was my plan last year. Not much of a direction. All I wanted was to get from A to B, not worrying much about what will happen after B.

They say that everyone changes. Yes, I have changed hence, the change in my life plan as well. Another note : After thinking of writing this post, I seem like the worse person to ask for advice.

See how much I've grown?? So even though I'm still at the same place as last year, I have changed and added direction and words to my plan. I want to be somewhere now but the problem that I am currently facing is I have 2 after graduation plans. What do..I..do now?

I am obliged to go for B because I cannot possibly waste my parents money, sending me here to study something I used to call my dream job. It's not that I don't like it anymore, I do.. I absolutely love it. It's just that my heart is somewhere else right now. I really want to do C. I can say I don't have much or any experience in this field but I've seen it done my whole life. I've seen the creative process and have helped out in doing so. My mom and her sisters used to have a gift box business which served them quite well at the time. And my aunty is an absolute genius in arts and creativity. She studied fine arts. But from those experience, I have learned that it's a hard thing to pursue. I've seen them struggling to get things to go off the shelves, getting customers etc. But was 15 odd years ago and I believe people are more open to handy craft now and there's the internet. Don't we all love the internet.

My mind is conflicted because you need to focus on one thing if you want to succeed in it. I guess as for now I need B as my surviving kit. C will always be there, on the sidelines helping me out, making me happy (and bestie yeo, lol). But if ONE day, if C starts picking up and is sufficient enough to be my surviving kit, I'd drop B in a second. (My math isn't that bad hey)

Many times I've asked myself, WHy didn't you just go and do this course or that course and what not. Well, I'm not going to ask why anymore because I already have my 2009 life plan planned out. I don't need to write or draw this down because it's going to happen. Yee-hee.

Lines, words and x's drawn using Mr. sharpie which I happened to knick from lab. No, I'm not kleptomaniac. I just..put it in my pocket, walked out to write something and came home with it.

It has served me well.

Rewind

2008-04-22T11:03:00.003+10:00

As of last Saturday, the hair that I used to call unhealthy and long that hung off my head is finally in hair dump heaven, or I should say hell, where all the unwanted hairs ..okay I won't even try continuing that sentence for my own sake. I'm already weird enough.

My head feels light. Uncomfortably light. But I like the fact that when I tie my hair now, I don't smack someone's face when I turn abruptly. I could take a picture of myself but..I think it kinda looks like shit now so I'm not..going to. But it looks somewhat like this:

I'm back to the year 2006. Absolutely nothing special.

I'd bitch about the hairdresser but I won't cos after he was done with my hair, he probably knew he did a bad cut because of my sarcasm. The only reason why I can live with this is because I have no choice, haha.. and also because my hair grows reasonably fast. In 2 months, I'm sure it will look exactly like how I wanted it in the first place. Then it would be time for another cut.

Friend, acquaintances, foe

2008-04-21T21:08:00.004+10:00

Sometimes I really wonder if the person you're constantly around with is a friend, an acquaintance or a foe. When you're living a small community ie boarding house, dormitory, small town etc. , these 3 different ways of calling a person have really blurred lines between them.

Many people have different definitions of the word "friend"and many of them have gone back on their definitions by doing many unfriendly, idiotic, stupid things. I think the definition of the word "friend" should be love, mutual love.Think about all the people that you regard as friends. Do you love all of them? I think not. Do they all love you? I think not.

I think of all the people I call my friends and ask myself, do I actually care about every single one of them? And my answer would be...I don't know. There are friends whom I would do almost anything for but these people are in my exclusive list because I know they would do the same for me. But there are some people that I call friends that probably wouldn't genuinely care if I went missing. I'm not saying that I haven't done my share in pretending to be friends. I have and I'm not proud of it. They who do it are probably not as well.

I guess I don't like how my feelings towards someone are easily influenced by things that they do. Good one day and bad the other. I like to believe that there is good in everyone and that "ridiculous, no brainer" things that they do are just mistakes. Ridiculous irrational mistakes.

The bottom line is I just wish that you would treat me as your friend as how I treat you as mine. You don't need a reason to talk to someone. If they're your friends, you can talk to them anytime, anywhere. If this friendship is not going to be mutual then I'm just going to do my best to make the best out of it this year and hope to make better ones with others next year. Cos who knows where I'm going to be next year.

Proof of former talent

2008-04-20T17:33:00.004+10:00

Haha, note : Former talent.

I was chatting to Eve about our musical talents and our lack of it. She mentioned her former talent of playing the pipa - a plucked chinese instrument, pear shaped like guitar- and how she used to perform in schools. It's interesting how we used to be more active in things that we were forced to do.

I've performed ahah, "performed " once with a bunch of my kindie friends at a recital. We did a play and then had a violin number after that. If I can remember the play, it was about a farmer who was having problems plucking some vegie ( a girl plays this vegie and I honestly do not know the name the this particular vegie, it's white, looks like a carrot..maybe it's a white carrot..eh). So the farmer decided to call for help, he Hollers and someone playing an animal will come up to the stage, make an animal sound and help him pull the white carrot. The hollering of animals up the stage went from a cat to a scarecrow. By the end of it, there were 10 of us on stage all behind each other pulling the white carrot. I was the dog. The reason behind it was I wasn't muslim. Yes, the chinese girl should be the dog. If you knew me back then, you'd know that I was a very very very shy kid.

So I was hollered and got pushed onto the stage. I was supposed to "woof " and get in line to start pulling the carrot. Instead, I stood in front of everyone, playing with my doggie ears with a smile on my face because that was all I could do. I stood there for the longest time. Oh the humiliation... My parents weren't there, thank god..haha. Reason : I gave them my chicken pox virus. lol.

Anyways, I've got proof and am delighted to show.

Urm...mind the hands.. I cannot justify my pose.

There's me playing the violin. I was for real. I don't lie. Haha.

I had the cutest violin and was quite fond of it. Unfortunately one day, my brother, who was probably lacking of brain cells decided to take a scissors and snip the strings off.
Rip my baby violin.

alky

2008-04-20T01:39:00.002+10:00

alcohol makes me sleepy.

update: alcohol makes me get out of bed and run to the bath room after 15 minutes of lying down to hurl out all my insides. First hurl fest 2008.

Shine on

2008-04-19T01:01:00.003+10:00

My light has been dimmed for the past few days. As embarrassing as this is going to sound, I'm just going to let it out. My light has been dimmed because recently I have been looking down on myself. I've been on this whole positive mind thinking since the beginning of the year and I suppose it does take more than that to keep yourself up. Appearance is kinda a minimum priority for me but I guess it's because I actually don't like looking at myself in the mirror. I haven't since I was 13. Waheyy..long time I know. I go to toilets and avoid mirrors..and if I do catch myself, I'm always suprised by the way I look..cos I don't look at myself that often.
I guess I have been quite stressed doing assignments and what not. And it had a major effect on my body and when I say body, I meant the facial area. I've gone through thick and thin with this part of my body over the last 10 years. There's at least once a year where I always go insane and think that I'm probably the ugliest person and a reason why I'm still single. Whoa, emo I know..Then I go through the whole theres more to life and pick myself up again. Being single is good as long as I think it is and right now I choose to think that it is, 1st positivity.
I suppose, what I've gone through has made me not want to conform to a lot of things and made me appreciate things much more. Yes I do believe that people don't actually concentrate on all those, spots, but we're all human. One way or another, we care about what other people think. Judgment fills the air.
I feel stupid now because people do read this. Yes even if it's you melnuttavon. People don't know me like you guys do. You can tell that I am embarrassed by the lack of spacings and the usual paragraphs. haha...ha. Maybe if I swish it all no one will bother reading it. But I feel like writing. Oh wells, yea I'm fine now. My light is brighter.

Echoes and silence, patience and grace

2008-04-18T00:42:00.002+10:00

I wish I were with you
I couldn't stay
Every direction
Leads me away
Pray for tomorrow
But for today

All I want is to be home

Stand in the mirror
You look the same
Just lookin' for shelter
From cold and the pain
Someone to cover
Safe from the rain

All I want is to be home

Echoes and silence
Patience and grace
All of these moments
I'll never replace
No fear of my heart
Absence of faith

All I want is to be home

People I've loved
I have no regrets
Some I remember
Some I forget
Some of them living
Some of them dead

All I want is to be home

- Foo Fighters, Home.

Time for a cut?

2008-04-15T11:41:00.003+10:00

1, 2 or 3??

Which???

For you

2008-04-14T13:39:00.000+10:00

Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. Make all your friends feel there is something special in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger.

-- Christian D. Larsen

Present theory

2008-04-12T23:15:00.002+10:00

He is like a present given to you. All wrapped up in beautiful wrapping paper, finished off with a pretty ribbon on the top. You look at the ribbon tied so nicely and decide that you want to be gentle when pulling it away. You now take in the detail of how it was wrapped. Cellophane tape at every corner, keeping it nice and secure. Because it's so beautifully wrapped, you want to make sure you don't rip it into pieces so you peel off the cellophane slowly. It finally gotten to a point where you can't take it anymore, you can't take the anticipation so out of curiosity and frustration you Rip off the rest of the wrapping paper. You take a look inside the naked box and right in front of you, there is a card. You open it and read what is says. Such beautiful words, you say. You keep them. You then take another peek inside the box and there lies a beautiful piece of jewelery, looking at you, just for you.

The other one on the other hand, is wrapped up in brown parcel paper. It's sealed with 3 tapes, 2 at the side and one in the middle. Written on the top of the box, is a message. You crack up at the ugly childish handwriting. It's cute. You peel the tape off because it's that easy. You open up the box and you find lots of lots of small little cute and stupid things, from candies to unspeakable things and at the bottom of the box, there's a picture. Nothing worth of money in there.

Given a chance, which present would you choose?
Everyone has fallen for #1 and there are some people who would only go for #1.
I have had enough of #1s.
Give me #2s. That's all I want.

Of pictures so delicious part X

2008-04-12T19:10:00.007+10:00

I've mentioned a few times that I have been going to the beach to do a profile survey for my coastal subject. The first 2 trips to the beach has been well, not the best. It was either too hot or too windy. This weeks trip however, was perfect! Temperature range about 25 degrees and the best part, Low tide. It was such a beautiful sight.

Of waters so clear

We stumbled upon a dead jelly fish. How beautiful is it? My first time seeing a blue jelly fish in the flesh. Was really tempted to touch the top of it..but didn't want to risk getting stung.

Then a group mate found a seastar. It has friggin spines on it. How cool is that.

I'm glad I took some shots on that day. We're going back there in 2 weeks and the weather wise, it's gonna be shit. Will take pics to show the massive difference.

Strawberry fields forever

2008-04-08T23:50:00.001+10:00

Of mind so screwed up

2008-04-08T17:45:00.003+10:00

I had 4 weeks and within that a 10 day break from uni to do this assignment. Why I chose to utilize the last week to do it before it's due? I don't know. I've concluded that something is wrong with me. What I'm going to write is probably beyond procrastination.

After much research on my topic, I told myself that I should start writing my 2500 word review paper yesterday. So, I did. I started at 8.30 pm and stopped at 1 am. Within that amount of time, I only managed to write 400 words. Only Four Hundred fucking words. I have NO idea what's wrong with me. And it didn't end there...it happened again today. 2-5 pm, 100 words. Within that period of time I managed to do more unnecessary stuff, like doing my laundry and hanging it up after it was done, download some music and stopped doing work just to listen to it, logged onto msn more like 5 times and logging out.

I know the more I procrastinate, the more I will freak out before the due date. I realise that I have lack of information to write up my paper and that I think I'm focusing on the wrong parts of the topic. Oh My Gawd. What am I supposed to do?!

I'm starting to think that I have some sort of adult attention disorder. No idea what it's suppose to be called and cannot be phucked to find out about it. My concentration is zEro right now.

What do I do...What should I do! .....
2000 words to go..

In sync

2008-04-07T00:02:00.006+10:00

As the thumping gets louder, so does my music.
As my music gets louder, so does the thumping of the arteries in my head.
The valve movement in the arteries on the side of my frontal and temporal lobe now are in sync with the thumping on the wall.
Perfect mesh, perfect silence.

It's who you are and how you do it.

2008-04-06T00:06:00.002+11:00

Does what you do defines who you are?
or is who you are defines what you do?

I feel like having croissant with butter.

eYe doctor

2008-04-03T10:51:00.003+11:00

So I just came back from getting my eyes checked. Yes, I finally made an appointment and got it done. Hoooray. It was probably by far the longest eye consultation I've had. Fourty minutes. Fucking long. It clearly shows that M'sia lacks alll the super eye technologies. They've got cool machines here! haha I sound like I just crawled up a hole.

So anyways, after much worry about my eyes degenerating, Mr. Eye told me that I didn't have much increase in my eye power. Hooray #2. He spoke to me like I was a kid..well, they all kinda do that I suppose. Hes a nice eye dude. All my impression of optometrist over the years have definitely turned over, they're quite the professionals. Laughs. It's just that M'sian optometrist are shit. Or even worse, sighing M'sian opthamologists.

Does a doctor sigh when he/she finds out that you have cancer? No, they don't. A one M'sian opthamologist in DSH, Damansara Utama, Petaling Jaya does. She sighs when she sees something wrong..wont' be going to her ever again.

Oh and apparently I have sensitive eyes. Oo..oo Loving eyess. haha.

Of dark skies, stars in the sky and beautiful music.

2008-04-02T22:24:00.003+11:00

What I would give now to experience total focus and concentration. Like when you're competing in an individuals sport. When you're totally focused on winning, you block everything out of that manipulative mind of yours. It's that point where you don't even have small talks to yourself in the mind and nothing is going to distract you because you've got this big huge massive brick wall blocking all the external factors that are just itching to push you off course.

Like when you practice the piano. There are some days where you just get all the notes wrong. You start off with one wrong note and you can feel the dissatisfaction in your bones. The more dissatisfied you feel the more mistakes you make. So then you feel like shit and think that you're not meant to do this, you're not meant to play the piano. Your mind is just not concentrating, you're thinking about the day you've had, obviously not a good day. You're thinking about the problems you're currently facing. You're just thinking all these negative thoughts and everyone knows negative thoughts are the hardest to get rid off.

But then there are some days where you just suprise yourself. You get everything right, you're playing like you've never played before, your flow is smooth, you feel so damn good about it. You don't think about anything else but that feeling you have, that extremely gratifying feeling. You're on a roll because you have nothing to worry about, nothing else to want, nothing bad to think about. I've had one of those days but many of the previous experience as well.

I guess I'm writing this because I miss having an activity that requires dedication, commitment, priority and focus. I miss having something that can be called a skill or talent. The two things that I had under my belt was swimming and the piano. But unfortunately for myself, I was taken away from the one sport that I used to love because of parental commitments and I made myself quit piano because I thought I wasn't good enough. Thats 11 years of playing the keys. But I admit I wasn't quite a fan of it. Then there was the guitar but thats another story. I guess making up excuses like my hands are too small or my fingers are too short and not strong enough is kind pathetic.

So the only thing that I can and have to concentrate on now is uni. As sad as it sounds. I don't have any other commitments, I honestly wish I had. The one thing I have to concentrate on now is the LASt thing I want to do, the last thing I can focus on because I'm focusing on commitments that I don't have. I'm not going to say what it is ..just because..it can get quite embarrassing. Well for one, it's writing on the blog hoping someone out there will understand my vagueness.

All I want to do now is jump into a river, float, look up into the sky and see the stars while listening to someone playing the piano from a distance. Not a drop of worry in the world because you're just floating on it.

Just floating.

GARGGGHH!!!

2008-04-01T21:09:00.004+11:00

Hillarious

The Shites

2008-04-01T13:50:00.002+11:00

I overslept and I feel like shite.
Okay, I lie. I woke up in time to go for lecture but I decided that I didn't want to face reality just yet so...I closed my eyes and daydreamed.
.
.
.
For 3 hours.

haha..How pathetic am I? But needless to say, I enjoyed it. Enjoyed the whole daydreaming experience. I reckon I'm getting too good at living in the other realm.

But now...Now I have to get back to researching, studying and writing. ROar...

Energy

2008-04-01T00:59:00.004+11:00

Look at your hands. It's covered in skin, skin which are organs that are made out of cells which are in turn made of atoms. Atoms of single particles just floating, held together by energy.

Look at the clothes on your body. Clothes that are made up of fibers, fibers that are made up of cells and cells which are again made up of atoms. Atoms of single particles floating, held together by energy.

If clothes and body and everything else around us are indeed made up of energy, which are just manifested in different forms, then are we all one?

If you decided to see things in one point of view, an energy spectrum, what would you see? Just light? Just one whole energy of light. We are all light?

We are energy. We're living in a ball of energy.

It's fucking amazing.

Mel o'Mel

2008-03-30T16:32:00.003+11:00

For Mel:
I want to know what happens after you realised that you didn't have money to get home.
Why can't I read it by myself? well..your page is the only site that jams up my firefox. 100 fucking times. I gather that you got home fine because you..managed to tell the story. I want to know! haha, you know what to do.

--

The sun is out, clouds in the sky moving too fast for my liking. I'm all bulked up, wearing socks and a scarf around my neck while buried under 2 layers of blanket, trying to read journals for review paper I have to write about the geomorphic impact of tsunami. It's bloody cold (was).

The smoke detector is still beeping, it has been beeping for the past week and it's really driving me up the wall. If I was tall enough, I'd rip that friggin thing off the ceiling.

There's clean washed, semi wet clothes all around my room and it's also starting to piss me off a little because I can't fold them up and put it in the wardrobe where it belongs.

I wish I was a toddler again. Just eat, play and sleep all day long.

Of Tao's and doo's

2008-03-28T23:55:00.011+11:00

So I'm currently at my uncle's place and the day has been the funniest. Little It has been cracking me up the whole day. He started making funny faces and jumping like he has cushion under his feet. He's probably the most hyper 2 year old I know. I hope he's the ONly hyper toddler I know.

So, he was playing around and suddenly did this :

It amazed the whole family when I showed them the photo. Apparently he picked up that cardboard rod thingie from his dads room and pretended it was a Didgeridoo (new word I learnt this week lol) with sound effects and all. Mom was wondering how he learnt it and remembered that they went to Hillsville last week and there was this dude that was playing it so little It probably learnt it from him. Monkey see, monkey do. And the whole bowl thing on the floor as well. Blooody cuteee.

Since it was my mom's last day, she's going home tomorrow, my auntie and uncle brought us out for dinner. We went to this restaurant called Tao's somewhere in Bulleen. It's some modern creativie cruisine, chinese korean fusion kinda restaurant. The food was aMazing. The environment is pretty, very pretty and cosy. They have the most interesting cutleries but as my auntie calles them, gadgets. I don't have pictures of the food...because I don't feel like whipping out my camera everytime the food comes..face not thick enough for that, but thick enough to take random pictures of..items placed on the table.

Each of us had 7 dishes, banquette style. It was a 3 hour long dinner. I went from starving to, oh my gawd is this ever gonna end. We ate, waited for 15 minutes, then another dish was served and ate again. I suppose it's to let you enjoy and appreciate the food infront of you, taking it in and experiencing the taste. For $50 a person, it's not too bad.

picture of the family, excluding the uncle, who's taking the photo.

Looking forward to more family bonding like this.

Of bad vision and baby confessions

2008-03-27T20:37:00.007+11:00

I've been walking around with a blurred vision for the past few months. It has finally taken a toll on me. I'm starting to feel sick in the stomach everytime I try to focus on the computer screen or trying to see who is walking towards me. My laziness has caused me my sight. I am planning on getting my eyes checked so I can get new contact lenses of the corrent degree of power..soon.

The world is going to be DIFFerent! I'm afraid that when I put on my correct powered contact lenses I will freak because I'm 10 times uglier than I thought I was.. What if my face has degenerated with my sight. What if?? fuck..

I have been going about with vision like this..

and reading words on the screen that look almost like this

I'm more determined to go under the Lazzzer light to get my eyes fixed now. Life would be so perfect then.

Mom is leaving this Sat. I'm sad but happy her for because she misses my dad heaps and can't wait to go back. Those 2 have not been apart this long after being married for 24 years. I'm gonna miss her. No more crazy calls at 8 in the morning asking me if I want to go to some mountain or some vineyard or victoria market. :/

OKay so I admit, I refuse to go to the optometrists because I've never gone to get my eyes checked by myself...I know..what a baby..

Time to grow up I suppose..

Go to heaven

2008-03-26T23:43:00.003+11:00

You are absurd. You say the cutest things I've ever heard. I don't think I can take another word. Oh my head might explode and I might have to go to heaven.

Of mind so fickle and confused

2008-03-25T22:58:00.003+11:00

You can choose to be rejected by the idealist, punk rocker, hot married guy or smiley baby boy.
Which would you choose?
Mind so fickle and confused, you might choose all of them.

Halo bound energy

2008-03-23T15:55:00.006+11:00

Have you ever seen the sun without its ray of light blinding you?

Have you ever seen the sun as just a round ball in the sky, dim in the middle with endless halo like feel surrounding it on the outside?

It's as if the clouds enclosing it absorbed all its life energy bearing purpose to keep us alive.
Letting it rest for just 2 minutes and see how the world survives without it.

It's a beautiful sight.

I'll wait for the day till I see it again, for sight so beautiful should not go without being remembered.

Flaming Lips

2008-03-21T23:12:00.006+11:00

Lips a blazing,
Lips so dry,
Lips so tight,
Those lips I'll try.

Lips a pulsing,
Lips that peel,
Lips so red,
For lips to feel.

Set fire to lips that smile,
Set a fire to lips that's mine,
For lips wide shut no soul get through,
So precious gape open and tell the truth.

Lips are hearts and hearts are lips,
For lips that heart are lips in bliss,
So take those lips, those red filled lips,
Take those lips and heart this kiss.

I AM

2008-03-17T17:51:00.002+11:00

weird
strange
bizarre
odd
different
peculiar
abnormal.

I am fully aware that I love being weird, strange, bizarre, odd, different, peculiar and abnormal because that shows that I am absolutely nothing like you.

You know what I think?

2008-03-15T22:29:00.006+11:00

U

Thank You.

Hi I'm from Cuba

2008-03-15T14:38:00.002+11:00

So my calves and shoulders came back as another race. I can't really specify which but it looks to me that my calves are from Southern Europe and my shoulders from South America.
And I swear the right side of my face is probably darker than my left, oh with goggle eyes I reckon. Bloody hell. I'm international now alright. Very.

Despite the torturous heat, it was quite an interesting field trip. If I was a smart person I'd type out what we did here ( field trip description), but unfortunately I don't know half of the terms we used. So there goes my weekend, crunch time. Taking a class full of potential environmental scientists and environmental engineers really doesn't intimidate me at all. Nope, the "marine biologist" sure fits in that category as well. We're on the same Boat.

I'm...going to lie down on the floor now next to my fan, my baby and imagine myself back to normal skin colour.